Something happened this morning that really upset me and gave my concept of self-worth a sharp jab. I don’t want to talk about it because I would rather not give the incident “weight” or “importance.” But I did allow it to rule my day for a while, crawling back into bed where it was “safe.”
It took courage to get out of bed. I felt emotionally shaky and resentful that my harmony and happiness had been shattered.
But then I had some stuff to do on the computer for a deadline tomorrow and in spite of feeling overall-lousy, I sat down and went to work. After completing the three tasks I set for myself, I spent “quality” time on IMDB (International Movie Database) and surfing the net.
Then I started a facebook chat with a friend, another Christian, about my Twelve Days of Christmas blog posts. I discovered that while his experience with the Christmas season is different from mine, the result was the same for both of us – Christmas Day isn’t a particularly happy occasion.
I mentioned that my reason this year for celebrating 12 Days of Christmas seemed counterintuitive – if one day can make me unhappy, why multiply it by twelve?
My friend explained that he celebrates Christmas liturgically for eight days as according to the Divine Office. It officially begins on Christ’s birthday (Dec. 25) but starts with the Vigil Mass on the night of December 24 and ends on the evening on Jan 1. He admitted that focusing on the religious aspects of the holiday helps make things easier. Which is exactly what I am finding.
After ending our conversation, I remembered why we celebrate – birthdays, anniversaries, a new job, Christmas. Celebrations break up the routine of our everyday lives, connecting us to others, creating memories we’ll cherish throughout the years (lean and fat).
And today it reminded that no matter what – separated from a friend half a continent away, feeling estranged from family, not having the same type of circle friends in Vancouver as I did in Winnipeg – I am still connected to others; still part of a community of kind people and ones who care about me.