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Relevant

You might have noticed the introspective tone these posts have taken in the past while. It’s because I’ve finally faced up to the fact that several major areas in my life are simply not working. I’m being proactive; I’m staying positive; I’m giving myself pep talks via blog post. My focus remains on improving the quality of my life. I’m moving forward.

It’s one of my brain glitches where I equate “relevant” with “priority.” It took some years to differentiate between the two: something can be relevant to me but not be a priority. This might seem pedestrian to most people, but for someone (me for instance) who has a difficult time knowing what I want, it can really be a tripwire. Before I can prioritize my goals, I have to know what’s important.

There’s a vast chasm between doing something you only half believe in and actually committing yourself to something you feel passionate about. I have this picture of my career path in my head as a Venn diagram – two circles with no overlap because my passions seem to be totally separate from my marketable skills. (It’s like that scene in A River Runs through It where Paul Maclean finds out that fly fishing is not a profession.) I know it’s not quite true, but it’s a perception hurdle I have to overcome.

I’ve started a list of things that are important to me (in no particular order):

family connections
books/reading
movies
jazz
drumming
drums
friends
wine
celebrating special occasions
writing
truth
the gathering and sharing of knowledge
chocolate
kindness
politeness
integrity
moral compass
honesty
eating healthily
living well
organization
giving back
getting involved
faith
being authentic
helping people

I’m getting better at being selective – weeding out the white noise – and concentrating on telling myself my own story. I’m looking toward the willing suspension of disbelief that provides the connective tissue between what is meaningful and what can be safely left behind. It’s a magical something: a sacred secret, a timely solution, a silent conversation, that will make itself known when I least expect it.

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