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Moving Forward Again

There’s some real dark days where you just feel like the story is falling apart in every one. Just keep moving forward, even when you are bluffing, even when you don’t quite know what is going to happen next. ~ Dan Scanlon

This past month has been a challenge. I’ve been fighting miscellaneous feelings of defeat, depression and discouragement (and a bad case of alliteration). The catalyst was not landing the library technician job I really, really wanted.

The phone call on February 27th made me realize three things. I’m not where I want to be career-wise; my living room needs revamping and a new couch; and I’m not being as proactive as I should be regarding two of my health issues that I know would immediately improve if I ate nutritiously. I’ve also faced up to the fact that I’ve been struggling in these same areas of my life for a few years now.

Being in a funk is okay for a while but there comes a point in time when you have to snap out of it. I think my major difficulty is consistency. I get into a routine that seems to work – I feel good; my outlook is positive; I’m goal-oriented and moving forward. But then, I miss a day, and the next thing I know, another month has gone by. I’ve derailed myself again.

But I have to admit, after several hours of searching the job boards and company websites, my mood plummets. Even if I arrive at the computer showered, breakfasted and dressed, depression can easily set in as I work my way through jobs I would dearly love have but know I would never land due to lack of skill set, certification, education, aptitude (fill in the blank).

Yesterday, after feeling the dark cloud of defeat hover over my chair as I did my job search, it occurred to me that I was neither chained to the desk nor was there someone holding a gun to my head. I decided that three hours was a reasonable time frame for surfing the job boards and applying for any positions. It was also something I could fit into my schedule when I had to go to the client rather than work from home. Getting up early to job search before I had to leave home was doable.

Today my allotted job hunting was finished by 9:30. I felt ready to get to work for my Wednesday client. Breakfast was oatmeal with fruit, a smidgen of brown sugar and a touch of cinnamon. Lunch was made ahead (chicken salad with chopped tomatoes on the side) so I didn’t have to spend time thinking about it. I can’t do much about my living space because that requires cash not currently available in the budget.

In the meantime, though, maybe I throw the couch off the balcony. That would definitely improve my mood.


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