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Nevertheless

Vancouver English Bay

Just one word, one of my favourite movie quotes is from The African Queen. In response to the German officer’s accusation that they are lying about how they (Humphrey Bogart and Katherine Hepburn) traveled down a river that included a waterfall, Rose Sayer (Hepburn) replies, “Nevertheless.”

These days I am definitely living in nevertheless territory. Unemployment is still very much on my mind. I’m constantly worried that I will never find work; that I’ll end up a bag lady. Every time I pass by a person living on the street, I think “That could be me.” Why not? People lose their homes all the time: just because I think it could never happen to me doesn’t mean it won’t. Fear is a constant companion; tomorrow is the enemy.

I confess, some nights are dark. These are the times that I get up out of bed and make my way to the balcony window without turning on a living room light. I look out at the ripples of light reflected in the water of False Creek and beyond to English Bay. On nights when there is a full moon, it’s like a klieg light suspended from the sky, illuminating the water.

I stand looking until I get tired enough to want to go back to bed. The next day dawns and brings with it new hope. I try to remember, for today, the apartment is warm; there’s food on the table; the bills have been paid. Things might be a little rough right now but…nevertheless…

 

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